unknow

it's amazing really how i realize after i've realized
glazed back over

close. open my eyes

nerves.

giving it all up. for . something more
trade it all in for what is real

nerves. deep within.
i pretend not to care. pretend so i can do

what i've been called to non.do . to create . to dream our end. our beginning

a place to call home . a place to belong

to the brim of our cup.
hope overflows

contageous love

radical compassion

fill me up

i can't stay here with them. addicted to suffering
though i ache for them. i ache to love and be loved by them
i know . i have to let go

for all of us to grow.

here i go.
hope. hopping ... into the great unknown

drifting memory

i forgot.

forgot. who i was ...

it's profound . now. i'm remembering

there's this picture. my ninth birthday. i like to think it's you who are sitting next to me

bethany.

this little light.

was it bethany? in the country of my memories i see you somewhere in the past
a drawer left standing and dusty. but not empty

i love you . i love you. reverberating within
i'm trying. and trying to send it back to you . i was so thoughtless before

weary and worn. i was so lost.
i got the message too late. i should have known. wolf whistlin' at my gate

everything i come up with gets left hangin' . i don't get it

i know. eventually there has to be resolution with. .something

any of the crazy feelings .surging in my body. mind.
what i see in my sight

yet. i never arrive.
maybe. i guess . it's not time. till it's time

tomorrow i take flight.
i ache it were to you. no where else i want to go

the only home i'll ever . know.
i feel you inside. i feel like i'm you. let me in. let me in.

i know you have my piece too.

i'll ride around in your pocket
you can carry me in your skin
we'll rain down from the heavens . ride the wailing wind
blast into zillions of pieces . only to re converge again
share the same breathe .the universal rhythm.

forever chasing each other . forgetting to remember

that love . is the only .real. matter

crescendo

don't know what to believe right now
don't know what i'm at. drifting into

blindly.deliberately

my eyes have deceived me
the most obvious feature on my face.

the most obvious is always the least. playing on repeat

staring at me. staring into them.
my entire life

and finally i see. the stranger in .my eyes
i see
the stranger in my face.

my strange face

now i see he and he. that bore the brunt of my fury. my hate.
the blame .
their faces in my reflection could forever melt away

how you know.
when you know . that you've known. what you've always.never let yourself know

forever.ringing in my thoughts .grinding in my jaw. down to my bones.

the truth of the source of me
original source of my suffering

what fear can longer hold me back

this release started like pain. like grief
.now. now ... it's more like . the dawn of peace

like the great mystery that nearly drown me in the blackest sea. will be the savior of what is no longer .me

that sea that once contained me. will set me free

only one knows how deep it goes

release
be
finally

be

peace

3617 Oakland Avenue

i retreat into me . i don't know where to be
every thing i see. everything is haunting me
i feel this. monumental. something

the weather is cold and dreary . early even for the north country

i musta been sleep walkin' my whole life

sleeping the entire way

i musta heard your voices. heard your words
they took me away

it's you that saved the day

the melodies that set me free

i've been sleepin' the whole way. to you -n- me

what can i say. how can i repay what you've done for me
i've felt so undeserving

now i'm ready 'cause the circus is sicker than before . it's no fun anymore

i realized home was .in. me but it's not me without you.

i'm in another world in another place and to me you're on the other side.
on the other side of the glass

your face is. yer voice is everywhere. i'm addicted to your words.
the moon pulls my emotions out. the salt flows

i'd go anywhere with you. i'd give it all up leave it all behind
if i could only find you outside my dreams. outside secret meetings

let's set sail to anywhere and nowhere.
let the stars guide us home. leave fear behind us . call our family home

bring me home love .bring me home

i'm ready to go

what they don't know

when i leave when i go
who i can become . how i change as i go.

grow as you go
grow as you go

i'm in limbo like i'm standing on the other side of the cage
the circus is dark
the circus . it's madness
we all come for the fun . come for the show

we come to grow
to gain control

eleven

finding everything. september sent me searching
for something
maybe it was all here. right in front of me
hiding so deep away from the love i coulda recieved. i couldn't see beyond the past
er whatever was the current distraction of life crisis

october sent me searching
finding me returning inside of me

tread this dirt weary searching for answers that came as denied memories
answers i always knew i had just to wander out of me

home is where
love is
home is where
love exudes
past judgments lift as the shadows shift
the sun always had this way of burning the clouds away
and what is this inside. what i feel inside . satisfied

it always hits me after it's been hitting me
i've been wanderin' since i started. never knowing where i'm going
perhaps these days i've been feelin' slower. suddenly this idea of
home
of
family

they were. always right in front of me

the shutter

i can remember how it felt .
how each has felt
breathe . stabilize
pressing . ever so slightly . check the scene
breathe
i remember how it felt
how each has felt
the world melts as far away as it encompasses it
press down
how it closed. on that. it. the moment

that moment . burns in my ears. burns in my eyes. burns in my heart

mine eye composed
that second. revel. in it
click the circle round
heart beat .
how heavy . loud. . how slow
sliding tiny .metal. clash of which the finality is magnanimous

that varied portion of this fraction of time. of light. sound

tiny fleeting captured . saturated moment of forever

shutter.

somehow so full of love

full with sound

so full of light.